KOBE SAID GET OFF ME!

With a 124-101 thrashing of the Sacramento Kings Tuesday in their final regular season game, Kobe Bryant’s Los Angeles Lakers (57-25) secured the number-one seed in the NBA’s Western Conference Playoffs. A complete asshole might make a reference to Bryant’s 2003 sexual assault charge and say he’s back on top (but only a complete asshole). After the jump, we recount the saga of Kobe’s long, hard road back from the bottom.

Five years ago, a 19-year-old Colorado resort employee accused Bryant of raping her. He’d allegedly hit bottom (word to Sodom) and then would go on to hit a more figurative low over the next 14 months before the case was eventually dropped. In the end, the Lakers kept Bryant, who matured as a leader while the team’s young players developed into legit role players and GM Mitch Kupchak pulled off a completely one-sided trade for the Memphis Grizzlies’ talented seven-foot power forward/center Pau Gasol.

Go Lakers! I guess. LOL!