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While riding the train in Washington, DC, a young African American couple walked on hand-and-hand. Upon first glance, the two seemed happy, united, and most of all - in love. Reading their body language, the two obviously seemed "chipper" and happy to be in one another's company. They then lightheartedly sat down in their seat, and I happened to glance at the womans left hand. There, she proudly wore her well polished engagement ring.
Just then I realized why the two were so happy. NEWLYWEDS!
That same day, I was talking to one of my closest friends, on the train, after both of us saw the couple, he said, "Marriage doesn't even exist anymore." I was confused, and hearing a statement like that coming from a young African American male terrified me. According to Divorverates.org, "50% of all marriages in the America end in divorce."
50%, ya'll.
Okay, let me break that down, if you have 10 people who get married, 5 of which will soon be slashing tires, melting rings, and fighting over custody. Obviously we all know that all marriages don't end on negative terms, however as a young adult, this number is astonishing. I mean, I soon want to be happily married. (after I make my first mill, purchase my OWN home, blah blah blah) But the fear of being divorced always seems to creep in my mind.
But WHY do people get married and more often then not end up in divorce?
I personally grew up in a home where my parents divorces too. Due to differences of opinions, money issues, and all the other issues that seem to arise when one is sharing a roof with a human of the opposite sex. But do people not know how to talk things out anymore? People are so quick to give up on each other. So quick to utter the words "Forget it." My mentor has been married for 30 + years. Yo, I'm not going to lie - that's a lonnnng ass time to be with just ONE person. I'm more than positive that these two have fought, disagreed, and slammed doors when the other person was downstairs just so they could hear it. Time, money, emotions, energy, all that has been invested into that ONE person. Children have been brought into the world on behalf of them to carry the torch of the families name.
In 2008, the word "Family" has been boiled down to the single-parent, the grandparents raising the kids, children born out of wedlock, orphans. Rarely, especially in the African American community do you see the "picture perfect" family. Meaning, mommy, daddy, and maybe "cousin and dem". The point is, we have to get our families back. Fathers need to come home and mothers need to stop working two jobs. Parents have to starting setting examples for the kids. These kids are like sponges, and whether we know it or not - they soak in any and everything that the parents do.
Being married is sacred, intimate, a close union of two people. It isn't an excuse to spend thousands of dollars on a dress, cake, and fancy table sets. Two can be married without the legal paperwork, the fancy ceromony, and the bridesmaids. You ever wonder why we wear wedding rings? The wedding band is symbolism of the link between two people. It isn't made out of wood, or plastic - a material that can easily be broken or burned. It is made out of metal, molded just for that one persons finger. It takes intense heat to melt a piece of metal, and even still it never looses its natural compound. That diamond? Yeah, that fat ass piece of polished, refurbished rock symbolizes the time and energy it takes to have a successful relationship. Diamonds take years to be created in nature. The bonds are formed when carbon exists at very high temperatures and under very high pressure. Natural diamonds are made very deep in the Earth, below the surface where high temperatures and pressure exist naturally. The high pressures are produced by the weight of rocks pressing down on it. This is how the diamond comes to be. To say the least, this is something to be CHERISHED.
I mean, look at the couple pictured above. Oh by the way, that is Mr. and Mrs. David Allen's Formal Portrait in 1890. Two words - Power and Dignity. That couple is unbreakable, and I can sense that through an old, grainy film photo from the 1800!!!
Divorce isn't the new black and will never be if we understand the significance of the word marriage. People need to know who they are marrying and realize the vows say, better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
Thats serious.
peace & blessings,
-milah.b
Just then I realized why the two were so happy. NEWLYWEDS!
That same day, I was talking to one of my closest friends, on the train, after both of us saw the couple, he said, "Marriage doesn't even exist anymore." I was confused, and hearing a statement like that coming from a young African American male terrified me. According to Divorverates.org, "50% of all marriages in the America end in divorce."
50%, ya'll.
Okay, let me break that down, if you have 10 people who get married, 5 of which will soon be slashing tires, melting rings, and fighting over custody. Obviously we all know that all marriages don't end on negative terms, however as a young adult, this number is astonishing. I mean, I soon want to be happily married. (after I make my first mill, purchase my OWN home, blah blah blah) But the fear of being divorced always seems to creep in my mind.
But WHY do people get married and more often then not end up in divorce?
I personally grew up in a home where my parents divorces too. Due to differences of opinions, money issues, and all the other issues that seem to arise when one is sharing a roof with a human of the opposite sex. But do people not know how to talk things out anymore? People are so quick to give up on each other. So quick to utter the words "Forget it." My mentor has been married for 30 + years. Yo, I'm not going to lie - that's a lonnnng ass time to be with just ONE person. I'm more than positive that these two have fought, disagreed, and slammed doors when the other person was downstairs just so they could hear it. Time, money, emotions, energy, all that has been invested into that ONE person. Children have been brought into the world on behalf of them to carry the torch of the families name.
In 2008, the word "Family" has been boiled down to the single-parent, the grandparents raising the kids, children born out of wedlock, orphans. Rarely, especially in the African American community do you see the "picture perfect" family. Meaning, mommy, daddy, and maybe "cousin and dem". The point is, we have to get our families back. Fathers need to come home and mothers need to stop working two jobs. Parents have to starting setting examples for the kids. These kids are like sponges, and whether we know it or not - they soak in any and everything that the parents do.
Being married is sacred, intimate, a close union of two people. It isn't an excuse to spend thousands of dollars on a dress, cake, and fancy table sets. Two can be married without the legal paperwork, the fancy ceromony, and the bridesmaids. You ever wonder why we wear wedding rings? The wedding band is symbolism of the link between two people. It isn't made out of wood, or plastic - a material that can easily be broken or burned. It is made out of metal, molded just for that one persons finger. It takes intense heat to melt a piece of metal, and even still it never looses its natural compound. That diamond? Yeah, that fat ass piece of polished, refurbished rock symbolizes the time and energy it takes to have a successful relationship. Diamonds take years to be created in nature. The bonds are formed when carbon exists at very high temperatures and under very high pressure. Natural diamonds are made very deep in the Earth, below the surface where high temperatures and pressure exist naturally. The high pressures are produced by the weight of rocks pressing down on it. This is how the diamond comes to be. To say the least, this is something to be CHERISHED.
I mean, look at the couple pictured above. Oh by the way, that is Mr. and Mrs. David Allen's Formal Portrait in 1890. Two words - Power and Dignity. That couple is unbreakable, and I can sense that through an old, grainy film photo from the 1800!!!
Divorce isn't the new black and will never be if we understand the significance of the word marriage. People need to know who they are marrying and realize the vows say, better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
Thats serious.
peace & blessings,
-milah.b
2 comments:
A OLDER GENTLEMAN ONCE TOLD ME TO MARRY THE WOMAN I'M COMPATIBLE WITH ... MEANING THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU LOVE THAT PERSON DOESN'T QUITE MEAN YOUR COMPATIBLE. I DON'T THINK A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK ABOUT THAT WHEN THEY POP THE QUESTION. THEY ARE PROB. MORE CONCERNED WITH THE CALENDER THEY ARE ON . TRYING TO MAKE SURE THEY DON'T OFFEND THEIR PARTNER BY NOT ASKING THEM AFTER A LONG PERIOD OF GETTING TO KNOW EACH OTHER.. GIRLFRIENDS ARE RARE NOW , SO I WONDER WHEN AM I GOING TO FIND MY CLAIRE HUXTABLE.. LOL
If more married couples would put out of their minds that divorce is a option then we would have lasting relastionships! Think about it if me and my husband argue the first thought in our minds is "Damn I might as well say sorry, get over it and/or make up otherwise I'll be miserble for the rest of my life!" Get it? No if and or but you HAVE TO be with this person (excluding abuse on any level).And notice I didn't say anthing about cheating?!?! You really believe that people didn't cheat back in the day? Yeah they did! Back then women and men did what they were suppose to do for their spouse and played their roles. Please women stop thinking you HAVE to do it all even though everyone knows you CAN! A married women should never worry about her bills and/or her income be extra in the household not the source. As a wife my only worries in life should be my husband.and yes I have bills and collectors call me but I don't speak with them my husband does bc that is his job! The Lord built men for hard nots in life not me! Adam named everything in this world and afterwards was lonely so Lord created Eve to comfort him NOT to share the weight of the world with Adam! women stop thinking that cooking, clean and make a home for your man is beneath you and men your wife's problems and worldly worries is not just her "business" it your as well. A lot a people say that's the old way of doing things that, things have changed. But why we fix something that wasn't broken?
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